


Saturn

by CurlyPanda24



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: M/M, Sad, Song fic, slight Guardians of the Galaxy, slight Hulk, slight Loki, slight Thor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2018-02-13
Packaged: 2019-03-17 22:15:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13668402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CurlyPanda24/pseuds/CurlyPanda24
Summary: Tony's long history of stargazing started when he was very young, with his mother, then it followed him and developed his whole life.





	Saturn

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, hello
> 
> This fic was inspired by the song Saturn by Sleeping at Last, and also by the official video clip of Brother by Kodaline.
> 
> Both songs are amazing ^^
> 
> I do not own Marvel and its characters, nor the lyrics of this amazing song. They belong to Stan Lee, Marvel Studios, and Sleeping at Last.
> 
> Enjoy :-*

> _**You taught me the courage of stars before you left.** _

  


Maria Stark was a beautiful woman with light blonde hair and kind, warm brown eyes that Tony inherited. She was a strong woman who loved to read and play piano, and who taught both passion to her son, reading her favorite books to him every evening before bedtime, ignoring Howard's snorts and remarks.

  


She wasn't as smart as her husband but she loved to read so much, and was interested in a lot of topics. Every book which caught her attention was read and ended up on the precious shelves of her personal library. And even if Howard kept saying that it was useless, he still kept a room specially for her books and reading afternoons.

  


Her favorite subject were the stars and she read every book she could find about it, trying to explain with her own words everything she understood to Tony, but ending up reading the books aloud. Her eyes sparkling with love and proud each time Tony understood something she didn't.

  


> _**How light carries on endlessly, even after death.** _

  


She would talk for hours to her son, holding him in her arms and then on her lap when he became too old to be held easily, explaining how marvelous stars were, and how strong they could be.

  


“You see Tony, this star is maybe dead, but she's so courageous that her light still exist.”

  


She would then turn to him, her smile as bright as the stars above their heads when they stood on the balcony to look up at them. She brushed his hair, pushed away little strands that ended up on his forehead, and whispered, like a secret, his favorite words.

  


“Tony, my little courageous star.”

  


> _**With shortness of breath, you explained the infinite.** _

  


He loved his mother so much that he started searching for new books for them to read, as soon as he learned how to read. Explaining everything he could to her and smiling brightly as she listened carefully, registering every word he said before reading the book out loud for both of them.

  


He ignored Howard's constant eye rolls and lessons each time he saw his mother sit down on the armchair of the balcony, tapping her lap and smiling gently at him, a book in her hand.

  


More than once they fell asleep on the balcony with matching covers thrown on them by either Jarvis or Howard, they couldn't tell. But each time they asked Howard would turn away, saying that they were stupid to fall asleep on the balcony, Jarvis' eyes would light up and he grinned, and Maria smiled brightly, as if her husband had hung the moon for her.

  


> _**How rare and beautiful it is to even exist.** _

  


At Jarvis' death, Maria sat Tony down on the balcony, showed him a star and told him that Jarvis was up there, watching on them, and that his light would always shine for Tony. He had huffed, telling her that she was stupid to think that people could turn into stars.

  


It had been the last night he had looked at the stars with his mother. After that he left for MIT and drifted away from his family, preferring passing evenings out and getting drunk with strangers and turning down every family dinner his mother wanted to make.

  


> _**I couldn't help but ask** _
> 
> _**For you to say it all again.** _

  


His parents died when he was twenty-one. The ceremony was grandiose, a lot of people were there, telling Tony that they were sorry for his loss, then chatting and making jokes as if they were at a gala.

  


Tony was so thankful when Rhodey turned up and didn't say anything, didn't offer false excuses or promises. He hugged him at one point but otherwise stayed with him the whole night and made sure that Tony didn't end up too drunk in front of the cameras.

  


> **_I tried to write it down_ **
> 
> **_But I could never find a pen._ **

  


As the funeral were coming to an end and everyone were gathering in the room Obie had bought for the night, Tony glared at anyone who came near him, expect Rhodey.

  


They were all occupied at laughing with each other, exchanging advises and phone numbers to start a collaboration with the new head of Stark Industry, to remark the young man seething angrily in a corner of the room.

  


Rhodey tried to stop him but as there were no longer cameras around, Tony told him some harsh words before grabbing a bottle and starting drinking it on his own.

  


His best friend could only stare angrily as he grabbed another one.

  


> _**I'd give anything to hear** _
> 
> _**You say it one more time,** _

  


It was three a.m when a drunk Tony Stark stumbled into his childhood house, climbed up the stairs to the living room and found himself gaping wordlessly at his mother who was sitting in her armchair, patting the bench beside her with a soothing smile.

  


He sat down and stared at her in relief. She hugged him tightly and opened her favorite book, reading as he laid down and watched the sky with a content sigh. He hadn't known that he could miss something so much.

  


> _**That the universe was made** _
> 
> _**Just to be seen by my eyes.** _

  


Rhodey found him the next morning, looking angry and relieved to find Tony safe at home and not somewhere in a dumpster. He sighed when his best friend got up, clearly hungover.

  


Tony smiled before turning around, but he only found an empty chair with a book on it. His mother was gone, he was alone, Jarvis wasn't making breakfast and Howard wasn't walking away, trying to hide his red ears as Maria smiled, thanking him for putting covers on them during the night.

  


He was all alone, shivering in the morning air.

  


Rhodey didn't know what to say and could only hold his best friend as he started sobbing and falling apart next to him.

  


> _**I couldn't help but ask** _
> 
> _**For you to say it all again.** _

  


He didn't remember this girl's name, he had too many one night stands to find it in himself to care about her name, or even how she looked like. He had pissed her off, like he always did to every girl when the next morning he told them to leave.

  


But he could only stare in anger and surprise at the old armchair, torn apart by car keys like the rest of his living room and beds.

  


The next day he threw the armchair away, then put it back in place, before finally taking it to the dumpster.

  


One week later, he was searching almost obsessively every boutique he could find on internet, but he never found the same model.

  


> _**I tried to write it down** _
> 
> _**But I could never find a pen.** _

  


The day he woke up in a cave in Afghanistan wasn't the worst day of his life, but it was still at the second place.

  


As days turned into weeks, as pain consumed his chest and water filled his lungs everyday, as days and nights were filled with fear and desperation, Tony couldn't help but wonder if his mother would be proud of him once he joined her, Jarvis and his father in the stars.

  


> _**I'd give anything to hear** _
> 
> _**You say it one more time,** _

  


It was terrifying, to stare at infinite, a dark place only lit with tiny little stars, and in the middle of it a huge spaceship full of Chitauris.

  


His suit stopped working, Pepper's face disappearing into nothingness, and as his eyes were about to close, he couldn't help but look up at the stars and imagine his mother smiling kindly, Jarvis playing with him, and Howard showing him the last technology he was working on.

  


When he started to fall, he only found peace and rest.

  


Then, someone was shouting and his eyes opened with a start. He couldn't believe he was still alive after that.

  


> _**That the universe was made** _
> 
> _**Just to be seen by my eyes.** _

  


They were surrounded by thousand of stars, traveling between galaxies and planets. Thor, Loki, Hulk and the strange equip composed of a raccoon, a tree, a human and a green woman smiled as they all stared in aw through the windows.

  


The little and big stars were lightning their path, glowing proudly everywhere around them. And one night, while everyone was supposed to sleep, Steve Rogers found Tony up, stargazing and whispering, like a prayer to an unknown deity.

  


“I didn't know it could be so beautiful up there. I hope you like it.”

  


He didn't know who he was talking to, but he didn't miss the little drops of tears running down his cheeks, and how mournful he seemed each time he looked out the window.

  


> _**With shortness of breath, I'll explain the infinite** _
> 
> _**How rare and beautiful it truly is that we exist.** _

  


Steve found Tony three weeks after the battle against Thanos on the roof of the compound, lying down on a cover with another one thrown upon him, hands behind his head.

  


He sat down next to him and ended up lying too, watching the stars, trying to understand what exactly Tony was thinking about.

  


“I remarked that you liked stargazing.”

  


Tony shrugged next to him but didn't deny anything, which Steve took as a win. They stayed a long time, looking in silence, remembering that some weeks ago they had been up there, flying between the stars, far away from here.

  


“Did you know that when stars die, their lights still appear in our sky?”

  


Steve frowned, he never knew that his friend was interested in stars. After all he was an engineer who had studied electronics, not the science of the universe like Doctor Selvig. But he heard the edge in his voice and how it wavered near the end.

  


He didn't say anything and scooted closer to Tony, one hand reaching out to rest on his stomach.

  


Next week they will be there with the whole team, having fun under the stars, Steve trying to replace Tony's sad stargazing with new and happier memories.

  


Two months after they will be standing there again, Tony explaining his most precious memories before showing to Steve the little library of books which hadn't been read for decades.

  


Three months after they will be on the roof again, Steve having laid a cover surrounded by flowers and a picnic. Tony will snort at how disgustingly romantic all this is. And then they will kiss under the stars, and Tony will stop looking at them with grief and start looking with hope and joy.

  


But for now, Steve stayed quiet beside him, offering all the support he could muster right now, and trying to sooth his friend without touching one of his or Tony's still fresh injuries.


End file.
